I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
