my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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