So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
