I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
