if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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