Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
