I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So drunk its hurt
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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