i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
