dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
