Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
