based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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