oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
