Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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