The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
