No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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