Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
