That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
