If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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