he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
