Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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