drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
