Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
