so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
