hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
