It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize