dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
