Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize