Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
