When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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