So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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