i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
