We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
