Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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