I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
