WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He shit in the fireplace
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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