I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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