look no pants
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
