Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so let's talk penis.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize