With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
