her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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