Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pants are for mortals
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
