I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
