Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
