You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
