There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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