Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
