I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
