I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize