he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
