Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
