I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
