My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize