This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
