dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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