if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
