i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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