I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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