I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
