all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
