He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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