like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
ok first of all what the fuck
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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