Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
