"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
