Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
