Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
