I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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