Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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