I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
