i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
