i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
