I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
