so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
