i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
