Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
