Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize