I smell stomach acid.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
