i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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