Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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